JavaScript Frameworks Are Amazing and Nobody Is Happy

When I read things like "Callbacks as our Generations Go To Statement" I’m like maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we’re walking around with a donkey with old rusty GO TO statements clinking on the sides.


Because everything is amazing right now and nobody’s happy. Like, in my lifetime the changes in the world of programming have been incredible. When I was a kid we had no DOM abstractions and JavaScript was a like a rotary phone that you had to stand next to, and you had to dial it. Do you know how primitive – you’re making sparks in a phone!

And you actually would hate DOM elements with long IDs because it was more – you’d be like

uh this DOM ID is too hard to type, screw that shit call it X

And then when your code ran in a browser that didn’t properly support JavaScript you’d just go

well, I can’t do any more things now. I can’t do any more things.

Now we live in an amazing, amazing world with so many fascinating frameworks to choose from and it’s wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots that don’t care, because this is what people are like now – they’ve got their framework of choice and they’re like “uh! It won’t…”

Give it a second! Give - it’s going to space! Can you give it a second to get back from space!?

I was on an airplane sitting next to a guy coding with some new framework – it’s the newest thing that I know exists. And I’m sitting on the plane watching him and he writes 3 lines of code and boom there’s two way binding, event delegation, and it’s fast – it’s amazing! – and we’re in an airplane!

And then things start to break and he has to read a bit more to figure out how to use this API correctly. And then he goes

phff - this is bullshit

Like how quickly the world owes him something that didn’t exist six months ago. Just take 10 minutes and read the documentation! 10 minutes!

JavaScript coding is the worst one because people come back from coding for an hour and they tell you their story and it’s like a horror story – they act like their hour of coding was like a cattle car in the forties in Germany – that’s how bad they make it sound.

That was the worst framework I’ve ever used - pure shit. First of all, it took me 10 minutes to install, and then the package manager couldn’t understand which package I wanted it to go out and find and install for me… and then I sat on Google for another 30 minutes reading answers to all my questions on StackOverflow…

Oh really what happened next? Did you write code with that framework in an hour that we could only dream of writing 10 years ago ? Did you partake in the miracle of computer programming you non-contributing zero?!

You’re creating a browser application in JavaScript with barely any code! It’s amazing! Everybody writing JavaScript in the browser should be looking up from time to time saying

oh my God! Wow!

You’re coding in JavaScript! You’re on a boat, in the sky!

Here’s the thing – people like to say whatever framework their not using sucks. “Sucks”, really? Two-way binding, route handlers, and dynamic events pushing data into a remote API within an hour - that used to take thirty years to do that and you thought you would die on the way there and have a baby. You’d be a whole different group of developers when you got done with that project!

Now you write a little code and shit’s flashing all over the screen, you get bored so you take a dump on Twitter and read Hacker News and then fuck off for the rest of the day. Next thing you know, you’re home.